I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
3pm strippers are depressing
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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