literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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