What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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