is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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