apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
