when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize