I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
