She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
