upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
