I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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