just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize