The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
