I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What a fucking waste of an outfit
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
