My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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