We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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