Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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