I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
