She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sext me about skeletons
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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