yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
