We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
