So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
