very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
