I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
