i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize