I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Someone signed my nipple.
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