When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
