Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
