Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize