So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
