i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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