His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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