4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
