the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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