I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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