I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
