I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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