Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
