If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
