I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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