i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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