finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
