I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
