They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hate all girls vehemently.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
