i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I wear drunk well.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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