Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Randomize
