I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
