Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
