it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
