i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
