He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
