I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
