Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
