To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
