it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
