I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
