bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
