Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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