I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
