Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
