She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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