Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
