I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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