Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
