it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
