your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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