why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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