He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
