Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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