Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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