just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She bit a glass in half.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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