Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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