If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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