She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize