You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
