Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
