if i can run in heels then i can drive
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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