I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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